Survivor Story: Angie

I live in NZ I am a survivor waking up. I have a 43 page file when my mother handed me over to be fostered until I was 3. Sexual abuse in the file, I even mention my own mother in the file 'tikling me' I was sent at 5 to go live with my grand mother after mum got me back for a year or so then she didnt want me again, during the year mum had me back I was molesteted by a 16 year old son of her friend from her church group, that got me and his younger brother to preform things for him, well tried...it was humiliating 3 occasions which I always felt was odd, but now that I know what I know he was maybe doing to us what he was taught. My grandmother would party and drink with the priests after mass and I knew all their quarters.

I have wanted to tell my story but my nana is still alive and -this priest which i have been researching as I was also babysat for the night by this certain priest, my grandmother handed me over to be 'babysat'. That afternoon I have blocked or was drugged, most of it I dont remember from the afternoon until the middle of the night when i woke from a nightmare, scared ran out to the lounge disorientated forgettingvwhere I was so he/priest put me in his bed and spooned me from behind. I was 7 first time I felt a hard penis, well i thought at the time it was, I froze. Im thinking cause he had already had done things while I was drugged or whatever they do to make us forget and he felt me freeze, weirdly knowing exactly what that thing was on my back. He put me back to bed.

Next day I saw my grandmother kissing him when she came to pick me up. I kept this secret for years.

I have always had Jesus with me since 5 maybe younger, but what has always astonished me is that people remember their child memories before the age of 5 I only have maybe 4 memories before 5 like Ive been hypnotized to forget, or was always drugged?? I have wondered if I need help retrieving these memories or maybe God wants me to forget. I have asked him to show me what I need to heal, little bits come back when im triggered listening to Brooke or Jess. My child file is quite disturbing my foster family said I was like a porn child basically! Always masterbating interested in sexual things tried doing things to the brothers in the family which disturbed the parents. So they would take me to hospital to be checked. I was caught putting a funnel up myself in the bath at 3 very disturbing file for me to read. I didnt even know I had 1, but God kept putting on my heart to ring and see if there was a file on me to my shock there was. I got it this year...cried through 43 pages of trauma. This obviously has helped me to understand myself a little more and why i react to things like I do and feel so abandoned in life-never by God but by humans.

I relate alot to Jess the way she is a tom boy. I'm staunch but very beautiful-which I have always hated. People found that weird and always were in awe if me. I hated it. I pick at my face and create pimples and have realised that I try to 'ugly' myself to get less attention, crazy I know but I have only just worked this out getting my file why I am like I am. I hate the attention Id get from men, they always go on about my check bones or how beautiful my body is- well l was. I put on weight also to take that attention away. I have in last 5 years been in remission of colon(trauma) liver 6 tumors and gallbladder cancer all up 8 tumors 1 in colon size of a fist. They tried to take me out hey!

Didnt work. God took me through that field of pain, it took 3 years. No1 can believe I am still alive. It was horrific everything that could go wrong did even the anethetist screwing up after a major open stomach surgery. He didn’t block my mind before he blocked my stomach... that gave me nightmares but i was grateful i was out through the operation still very painful and traumatic we cant sue here either it called a medical human error. I have got rid of heaps of friends/people/handlersince then? People that always challenged my God with me and tried to confuse me.

I have 2 survivor friends, I was abused like B & L- witch aunties...the other S was a warlock in his 20s their family were infiltrated into our Pentecostal church. When I went back to my mother which was hard at age if 9-16 when i ran away. Cinderella I call myself, cause thats what life was like with her. Anyway us survivors have connected now and S has admitted his family were witches, assigned to our church...weirdlyI always knew and asked him last year...he was blown away, said how did you know?? I think the way his mum and sister dressed and looked at us gave it away. I just never voiced it. Anyway I feel like a sitting duck and want to help more survivor's I do art for therapy, oils mainly. I have just started a private class with a lady...maybe I could help out with others its what helped me heal.

I need to help its what i was born to do. I naturally do it anyway people cant believe what i will go out of my way to do for people when needed... Ive never understood why others dont? ...Ive been called peoples super hero, but Im also very hated and abused by people closest to me in my life, well felt like that. So I have isolated myself last 2 years or did God lol get rid of lots if people hahha. I'm currently trying to give up weed which I have been addicted to for 15 years...I justified it by telling myself it was my counsellor..time out, God wouldn't mind...well actually I would pray if he didn't want me to do it anymore give me a wake up call...the opposite happened cops would whitness me smoking and do nothing...I have just figured well that could also be the devil making me think its God. Anyway since watching and feeling the times we are in I have liturally just decided im done so please pray for me. It will be hard. I have a crazy story with so many layers, most people can't belive Im still alive only reason I am is cause Jesus loves me this I KNOW. I have come to the conclusion he bought me through my fatal cancer because Im bold and have a big mouth...Im not scared...I used to hit men like a man, if i saw anything I dont like-men hitting women, crazy aye, but now that Im 47 I think I know where that came from 🤣🤣

In my family we had a curse I broke with my daughter, it stopped it there.

All of us oldest girls 4 generations 6 years old molestered. Im the only 1 who did anything about my daughter, he was arrested, did time. I have 4 grandsons now and always pray the curse stopped with my daughter.

Anyway please let me know if there is anything I can do. I believe God leads us to the people at the right time...your video popped up after watching others so was random.

My father suicided when i was 18 and at 31 so did my partner he was also a victim real bad nightmares and memories at the hand of his father he thought he was his abuser. I have struggled with suicide too but could never and now I see it for what it is...I felt the suicide demon pass over NZ recently, heaps did it at the time too he actually gave me a vision when I was reading my file of me hanging from the rafters in my garage, which I knew straight away aaahhh I got ya demon, cause i would NEVER hang myself thats what my parter did 😭 so i see how others are tricked into doing it. My dad used a gun. Anyway I saw through the vision for what it was, a ploy, so now I see why so many NZlanders commit suicide, we are the worste country in the world infact my town is the worst town in the southern hemisphere. We have 3 witch covens in 1 small town...only 500 were at our high school back when i was here thats how small the town was, I believe it is something to do with the water around it. A town called waiuku in NZ- aka aka, glenbrooke and wattle bay...is where the coverns are, look it up youl see why maybe?

Trafficking- I know of a woman I grew up with who has been pregnant 4 times that Ive seen over years. I even felt 1 of them. 1 day when i saw her, then BAM not pregnant anymore after 7 months she never goes to doctors so not recorded and no1 asks questions, but me, like what? Where is it? People joke and say probably buried in her back yard.

She is a crack addict. Its disgusting to me no1 else can see somethings wrong, no1 reports it in authority positions /an old friend of mine works at the doctors and knows all this 1st hand- no1 does a thing.

Infact it has all come to light with the other survivor I mentioned because the last baby she was going to adopt- I had to fill her in that this happens alot she has been devastated by it. I am too scared to start the ball rolling as they are high up crack dealers. My friend L’s I believe, her abuse lead her to be sterilized and she is desperate to have a child...this lady is her cousin.

If you know any1 that has ways to unlock repressed memories I would love to connect. I have tried to find a therapist in past but to no luck. I think Im ready??? Mind you I went into a deep depression reading my file cried for days...BUT I am now free of all the questions I had so I know God gave it to me to help and understand myself more.

I dont react as badly as I used too. I had counselling during it and took the file with me.

1 thing I will say is that I have had people either say get over it or dont want to talk or "you should write a book"

So much to unpack I have just scratched the surface in this letter.

But I am led by the spirit infact, it annoys people but also I see in their faces they are in awe because, it turns out Im usually right. I get dreams before things happen to forewarn me...or I get feelings.

My sons hate it. .I'll say they don’t go and do.....then it comes true when they don’t listen. Now they are all men and they know when mum says something its usually truth and they better listen or strife will come.